bisperas ng pasko (christmas eve)

2200h. 24th of december 2011.

this year i learned, in a nutshell, of weakness.

not just any weakness. my achilles' heel. my waterloo.

it's weird. it's like a different person, but i know it's me.

like a dream. or nightmare.

i learned of strength. but i did not learn it. i realized that strength is really a truth. not just a mere word.

i learned of commitment, of conviction, of accountability and responsibility.. and my apparent lack of all these traits.

i remember vividly. i was hopeful for 2011. turns out, a lot of things did happen. not the good kind, unfortunately.

i may in fact, be really losing it. what the hell is wrong with me?!

hayy.

god, i hope not. while i'm sane, i still hope for the better.

my christmas wish is, therefore, to be able to work through my weakness. for courage. for strength. for conviction to do what is right. for accountability.

whew. to better things! happy holidays!

Ilokano: Baset pay lang

My mom is from the town of Concepcion on Maestro de Campo Island, located just off the coast Oriental Mindoro. They speak Asi, an offset of the Bisaya dialect, spoken only in two other Romblon Islands (Simara and Banton). We've been going to Concepcion for like, forever. Relatives from my mom's side are everywhere. But I never really learned to speak Asi. Mom never taught us (only when we asked) and probably, I didn't want to consciously learn. I can understand based on context. I can speak a little . ("Maley!" means "Come!"; i never forgot that because my young niece used to scream it at me). Kagkag. Bakten. Buko. Ngaseng. Just a mishmash of words. Maybe because at the back of my mind, I thought I have no use for it. I'm with my mom anyway whenever we go to Concepcion. And they also speak Tagalog. So what's the point?

What I wanted to learn was Chavacano. I haven't been to any Chavacano-speaking region. But I'm a fan of anything coming from the Spanish era.

I heard Ilokano before, and I read it in our Pugad Baboy books. And i distinctly remember saying that I'm not ever going to understand much less learn the dialect. It seemed too alien. Too far from Tagalog.

And then, work happened. Where a huge percent of my co-workers speak Ilokano. They always ask me, "Kaya mo bang makaintindi ng Ilokano?" and I say no.

"Ah madaling ibenta to!" I was shy at first, but then i suddenly had the desire to learn the dialect. I think it's a pretty language, with the Es pronounced as Uh. hehe. Plus, ang corny pala kung isang dialect lang alam mo. I'm still learning words and phrases, but at least I can hang around people and not feel like a total foreigner.

Naimbag ngamalem!

happy town

a year ago while living in a haven called ElBi, i innocently obsessed over leaving. i desperately sought a clean slate, hoping i can bury my mistakes and become a whole new person.

now if things went well, it could be the stuff for inspirational movies.
if not, it's good material for a tragedy.

i learned..
wanting change goes hand in hand with responsibility. no excuses.
going through change needs a strong heart. and always keeping your shit together.
complaining is not cool.

i wanted a clean slate.
but what i needed was to grow up.



hi. my name is L-
i'm restarting this blog to keep my sanity intact.
hope it's not too depressing. :)